Love In the Time of COVID-19
It’s an interesting time to be a therapist. In my 11 year career, I’ve not yet experienced a collective global trauma that affected both my clients and me in similar ways at the same time. So much about my daily life has changed. I’m working from home. I’ve never worked from home before. I’m physically distancing from my friends and family. I’ve usually been able to see them whenever I want. My dogs are having the time of their lives though. They’re used to me leaving every day for several hours.
So much has changed about your life, too. Your school might be closed for an indefinite amount of time. Your classes might have been moved online. You might have been laid off from your job. You might be going to work every day afraid of getting sick.
I’m worried, scared, frustrated, and even sometimes grief-stricken due to so many changes happening in such a short period. It’s a strange mix of emotions. And it can feel like there isn’t a lot of love around when things get so heavy. I wanted to share with you some ways I’ve found to love myself, my loved ones, and humanity during this trying and uncertain time.
Love Yourself
We are all like houseplants in that we need food, water, and sunlight (love never hurts either) to feel our best and to grow. Here’s what is helping me love myself, even on the hard days:
Eat regular meals. Try to stick to the meal schedule you were on prior to school being closed or being off work. Eat lots of different kinds of food, honor your hunger, listen for your fullness cues, and maybe even use this time to get more curious about food and learn to cook a new dish. It’s easy to forget to eat when the days and nights run together. One of the best ways to love ourselves is to feed our bodies well.
Get outside. Take a walk. Preferably with your pet(s) if you have one. Try to enjoy the outdoors sans distractions. Put your phone in your pocket, and practice not checking it. Practice the mindfulness principle of doing one thing at a time and just BE outside. Pay attention to what you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel. Notice how you feel before and after you got some fresh air and vitamin D from the sunshine.
Breathe. This isn’t supposed to be easy. We are not meant to be at our most healthy, productive, or insightful during a crisis and especially during a pandemic. Give yourself room and permission to feel whatever you feel. Jot your thoughts and feelings down in a journal. Remember to build rest into your routine/schedule, even if you think you’re just “doing nothing” all day. Anxiety is tiresome, and we need to rest and breathe through it. Practice square breathing (inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, repeat) when you’re feeling both calm and not so calm.
Love Others
We need each other more than ever. Social distancing does not have to mean losing connections and emotional intimacy. We can physically distance from loved ones and remain connected and close. Here’s what I’m practicing to stay socially close:
Intentionally connect. I tend to prefer my socializing to be spontaneous rather than over-scheduled. I’m finding now that I can’t physically see my loved ones that I need to schedule time with them. I’m scheduling FaceTime dates, eating dinner together virtually, and having game night with friends using apps like House Party. It might be uncomfortable to suggest this to a friend or a group if you’re not used to connecting in this way and have always chatted via text or Snapchat, but I promise the other side is worth it.
Check in. Ask the people you love how they are doing. And then really listen. Then make sure you ask them to listen to your answer, too. Processing how we are thinking and feeling about all of this is so important. Make a list of a few people to check in with every week. Ask them to check in with you in case you forget. Build your social support network based on mutual sharing and listening.
Get old fashioned. Send a letter or gift in the mail. Yes, THE MAIL. Not email. Or Facebook Messenger. Or IG or Twitter. Or sliding into someone’s DMs. Or any other noun my grandmother wouldn’t recognize. Nothing beats getting a handwritten letter from a loved one. Teens, please just try it and then let me know how lame I am after, okay?
Love the World
You might not yet know anyone who is sick with the virus or who has died from it. You might know lots of people who are sick. This thing has affected people we will never meet in places we will never go. It feels big because it is big. Now is the time to remember the world is only as big or small as our capacity for reaching out and being a good human who is a citizen of the world.
Serve. Help your roommate or parent with a chore you know they hate. Offer to pick something up from the store for an elderly or otherwise high-risk relative or neighbor. Do something nice for someone, even if it’s as simple as paying them a compliment. They’re free, ya know. It feels good to serve others. Being kind can help us feel calmer in this storm. Smiles spread fast, too.
Pray and/or Meditate. Maybe your spiritual practice is to pray to God. Maybe it’s to spend time in nature and marvel at her beauty. Maybe your higher power is your own wise mind. Regardless, pray and/or meditate and ask for safety, comfort, and healing for the world. Ask for wisdom for those in charge. Ask for courage and strength for those on the front lines. Meditation isn’t something you can be bad at. It’s something you can practice, and practice makes progress.
Remember. Reflect on what you might have taken for granted back when life felt more normal. I, for one, really miss going to the movies. Or going anywhere really! Take time to note the small things you miss and be sure to practice gratitude for the people who make these things possible. Tip bigger, hug harder, and wait longer to hold the door for someone once regular life resumes. We are on the verge of what could be a positive cultural shift if we make it happen.
I know things feel dark. Find the light. Heck, BE the light. This strange and scary time can be a gift if we receive it. The gift, despite it being an externally imposed slowing down that has enormous human consequence, can be a time of reflection and growth for how we can love ourselves, others, and the world better. Take care of yourself and each other!
